Cambodia (Phnom Penh)

I've wrestled for a few weeks now as to what to write about my trip to Cambodia a month ago. I'll give it a run over the next few posts...

I had 5 days all up, planning to stay two days in both Phnom Penh and Siam Reap. After arriving, I decided that spending a whole day all up on a bus was a bit of a waste, so I stayed in Phnom Penh for the full five days and checked out the city and its surrounds.

As a whole, Cambodia is like no other place I have visited. The place has bloody struggled over the past half-century with unrest and subsequent extreme poverty. However, it's an interesting time to go as you can witness first-hand the developmental growing pains it's currently experiencing.

Partying hard

I reckon Cambodia (at the moment) is like an 18 year-old in his/her first year out of school. The teen is now free from the rules and routine of high school and home. They've never experienced such freedom, bright lights, sexual adventure and alcohol-fueled nights out on the town. They party hard. Maybe a bit too hard. They get themselves a little off track.

Cambodia is saying to itself at the moment "Holy shit, this freedom is amazing. I've got more money! Where do I start??".

Cambodia has essentially been given the opportunity for rebirth and in my view, will still take some time to shrug off its seedy undertones...natural in any semi-developed country. Corruption is rife, drugs are easy to attain and sex is seen as a commodity with unspeakable plunderous depths.

An honest conversation

In between a course at a terrifically fun local cooking school, I asked my 22 year-old cooking course instructor a few questions about Cambodian cuisine, regional varieties, what he liked to cook, eat etc. Briefly forgetting Cambodia's recent past, one question I stupidly asked was what he grew up cooking and eating.

His manner changed immediately.

With a visible sense of shame and lament, he told me he grew up in a poor rural family who were lucky to eat dog and rat to get by. And not just its meaty bits, but every conceivable part of their anatomy.

This bloke is only 22. When I was eating chicken nuggets at Belconnen McDonalds in '91, his family were still scraping for basic food and rice as his country struggled back into economic subsistence.

He was quick to tell me that those days are gone, and that his family is now able to afford pork and foul to supplement their rice staple.

The future

On the outside, there are indeed signs of solid development, with the presence of companies like PriceWaterhouse Coopers and a number of travel companies setting up more frequent tours...always a good sign. However, underlying corruption is still spoiling much opportunity for meaningful core development - Cambodia ranked last year 162nd out of 180 countries in Transparency International's yearly corruption survey.

I'll look with interest as to how Cambodia develops in the coming years.

Final thought

Some of my mates absolutely loved the country. I can't say I loved it - I just didn't feel safe. Walking along the Mekong in a busy street, I was offered weed, coke, heroin and a small bag of unclassified pills. It's just bloody dodgy. Definitely a place to be enjoyed by experienced travelers, not holiday makers.

However, I may well be wrong.

But I still believe that a nation's capital city is its flagship, and should boast the very best the nation has to offer. Case in point - Canberra's Lake Burley Griffin...what a marvel of modern aquatic engineering!

I WILL go back and I WILL check out more of the rural areas of the country, including Siam Reap. I feel I need to see more of the country before I fully write it off.


For those that have been, what did you think of the place????

Singapore Zoo & Botanic Gardens

I was thrilled when Clare agreed to join me in Singapore for the weekend. We decided to focus on visiting places very unlike Bangkok...the Singapore Zoo and the Botanic Garden's were full of greenery and placid, quiet places to relax. A nice antidote to the sensory overload we experience each day.

Here's a few snaps:

At the start of the Singapore Zoo circuit. The zoo itself was extremely well laid out and provided easy, close access to many of the animals.

A 'front row' of rhinos. I couldn't decide whether the rhinos or polar bears were my favourites for the day. The polar bears were a real highlight as I'd never seen any before, but the rhinos, well, I feel for them. I understand what it's like to have short stumpy legs, cankles and a big ass. Note the small bird.

Zebras are like the rockstars of Africa. Flamboyant, fast and just very, very cool.

After working in health PR, this is a lesson of what NOT to do.
DO support programs like the zoo is doing. DON'T name a giraffe after your product, as Abbott have done. More pure CSR, less focus on ROI. When will companies finally get it??

A visibly majestic animal. Kind of smelt though.

Clare laments as the crime scene is sealed off.

Me a little earlier at the Botanic Gardens. The Heliconias were excellent - reminded us of Kuala Lumpur.

Steve 1, Crab 0

Chilli crab - Singaporeans reckon it's a cracking dish, one not to miss whilst visiting their fair city.

And as they say, when in Rome...

Clare and I stumbled upon a very-Chinese Chinese restaurant...the kind where the local mafia might enjoy a bowl of fried rice. They even had private rooms fitted with karaoke machines. Very cool. Nice cover.

After ordering, I went to the live seafood 'salad bar'...there you get to choose the species and size of animal fit for your fry. I chose a 1kg Canada White crab.

There's no dainty way to eat crab, you've just got to hook right in. For those singles out there, a terrific 1st date icebreaker...

So Clare and I cracked, sucked and slurped our way through every delicious claw and leg.

What an experience!

What a mess!!!

Ah, the joys of being further up the food chain.

Cultural seensitivities

Picture this scene:

Partner of my NZ-based public relations firm walks over into my office area and starts chewing the fat with myself and the bloke who sits next to me.

Parter: "...yeah so he's retired and has bought a farm in the South Island to take up sheep and deering"
Me: "Is this one of your mates, *John*"
Partner: "Yeah - an old friend who used to work for the company"
Me: "And he's into deering"
Partner: "It's a good environment for it down there - a bit cold, but great pasture"

I think to myself, "I've never heard of blokes running deer on their farms, especially in New Zealand"...

Me: "Is deering common in New Zealand?"
Partner, puzzled: "Well, yes, has been for over a hundred years"
Me: "Oh, well I never knew, you learn something every day I guess. Must be a good market then for deering - what do they use them for, snags or something?"
Partner, even more puzzled: "No, milk"

Now by this stage, I've got absolutely no idea what's going on. I have NEVER heard of deer milk being sold as an agricultural commodity...better cut my losses and not ask any more questions...

Me: "Oh, OK then, cool"


It wasn't until about an hour later that I figured out he was saying "Dairying", not "Deering".

Cows, not deer.

Ha!

You must be kidneying

Last year I took the piss in a post about how much my body would be worth with a humourous little online test called the 'cadaver calculator'.

This morning, I feel like a bit of a boob.

Page three of The Straits Times this morning features a couple of stories about a 26 year-old Indonesian bloke who will go to jail after selling one of his kidneys for 186 million rupiah ($AUD17,000).

In Indonesia, that amount of money equates to a staggering 16.5 years of hard labour - his previous occupation. After being layed off six months prior, he needed the money to support his parents and family.

The sentencing judge was reportedly quite lenient with his sentencing, taking into account his poor background, remarking "when he was identified by the syndicate as a potential donor, he was approached with an offer which for a person of his social and economic background would have been difficult to resist."

And it's not an isolated case. About a fortnight ago, The Taipei Times reported on a Vietnamese bloke who died after selling one of his kidneys in China. He went through with the ordeal because he didn't have enough money to ask his girlfriend's family for her hand in marriage, a customary cultural practice in Vietnam.

Something I'll keep in mind next time I think about whinging about the cost of beers in Singapore.

Hello Singapore!

I'm in Singapore - here for a bit of business and to sort out a few things with my work visa.

There are plenty of ways to get from the airport to the city - taxi, minibus, underground train or public bus. After arriving last night, I chose the bus. Not just because I'm Captain Tightass, but because I figured it would be a cheap (SGN$2) way to see a bit of the city at night, rather than going straight to my hotel in the back of a taxi.

What struck me most about Singapore was its cleanliness and order. It's been a while since I revelled in the thrills of a stable footpath, or felt excited at the sight of a motorcyclist patiently obeying a traffic light.

However, it comes at a cost. After going for a night swim in my hotel pool (Angus - 6.5/10), I wandered down to the Darling Harbour of Singapore for a cheeky beer and a feed. The food was reasonably priced, but the beer...sweet baby Jesus...SGN$12 for a pint of local brew (AUD$9).

It made me think - when you pay for a pint, you not only get a beer, but also the footpaths, clean streets and stable public transport (tax). An old Greek bloke I used to labour with during my uni days used to say, "You pay shiiit, you geta shiiit", and the same applies when comparing Bangkok to Singapore.

With it's agricultural labouring past (and present!), it's really interesting to see the Thai forces at work struggling to convince traditionalists that complex exports (like IT, finance and investment) are the way toward the term 'Developed country'.

Anyway, enough about economics and standards of living.

I think I'll go to little India tonight. Should be a cracker.

El spido, near vomito

I had to leave Thailand to get another 30-day visa, so I decided to take the opportunity to spend about 5 days checking out neighbouring Cambodia.

The tour started off well. I was moderately hungover after a night out with some rugby mates, which saw me jump off a mechanical bull in a disco at 3am, sleep for an hour, then leave home for the airport at 4.30am.

Despite the lack of sleep, I managed to have a look around a bit and met a couple of fellow travelers on my first day in Phnom Penh. Over a couple of beers that night, they mentioned they had gone out and eaten tarantulas at a restaurant the night before.

I couldn't imagine a more ridiculous exercise.

Now, for those that know me, I absolutely hate spiders. Maybe it stemmed from the multitude of redbacks in my family's back shed during our days in Canberra. Or maybe it results from some suppressed memory of me being molested by a man wearing a spiderman outfit...I don't know - either way, they scare the absolute crap out of me.

But I though to myself - I'm young, traveling and a mate of mine back in Oz needed some help with a work project. Mon works for a production company in Sydney and needed some video blogs developed and posted on one of her client's website.

So off I went to this restaurant with these two crazy-ass travelers and an American woman who personified nails down a chalkboard. You can see/hear them in the clip.

Check out the action here:

www.natgeoadventuretv.com.au/blog

Go to 'Recent Posts' on the lefthand side nav-bar, then click on the video 'Munching Spiders'.

Thanks to Mon for cutting up and posting the footage for me. She had the laborious task of cutting out most of the painful comments from the yank bird, so I am forever indebted. Apologies as well for the odd expletive, but I really was packing it.

If anyone has some recent footage of them doing anything adventurous in Australia or across the world, jump onto the website, sign up, and post it! It's a really cool initiative and something I think has the potential to collate some excellent experiences! I think there's some prizes up for grabs or something as well.

Enjoy!

Classic Thailand (2)

After watching the All Blacks play England today at a local pub with a few mates, I was walking home when I came across this.

Please note:

• Two dudes. Fixing a bundle of lines. One balancing on the powerline, the other on a makeshift bamboo ladder.
• No protective equipment.
• Other dudes just sitting around having a smoke.
• The hazardous, contorted pavement.
  

Classic Thailand.

I've got a job

That's right, I've stepped out of the dole queue and onto the fast-track to employmentville.

Only moments ago, I formally accepted an offer with a NZ-based agency with an office here in Bangkok...a 3-month trial contract predominantly working on a prominent bank here in Thailand.

I will be flying to Singapore in a couple of weeks to meet the members of the office based there, as well as sort everything out on the visa front.

In the words of Mark Occhilupo: "Stoked".

Isn't life funny?

I have toiled.

Every day, I have located 15-20 jobs I can do, only to read three lines into the job description either "Thai Nationals Only", "Female, 24-30 years" or "Foreigners need not apply".

Of the ones not including those phrases, I have distilled, researched, applied for and followed up over 35 different jobs - not one reply.

I have been to several 'networking' functions and talked absolute shit - to people who talk and promise an equal amount of shit.

I have met innumerable people in the industry for coffees, lunches, beers and chats.

My CV has traveled more in Bangkok via the internet, than I have by taxi, tuk-tuk, foot and skytrain.

I have gotten involved with a Chamber of Commerce here in Bangkok - volunteered to help develop their publication and produce an upcoming issue.

I have been worried I wouldn't get a job and be able to stay in Thailand with Clare.

And today, after 3 months and a whole lot of crap, I had two 2nd interviews - one yielded an offer, the other a "your in the front running". Isn't life funny like that?

So I reckon I'm going to take the offer, pending visa and salary requirements. It's with a consultancy, doing PR for one of Thailand's biggest and most established banks.

And I may, or may not have, celebrated with a few schooners (pints) here tonight after cricket training.

Dining with the locals

Ever eaten with an elephant?

I have.

This picture was taken down the road at Clare and my local street food market. I had just smashed a bowl of egg noodles with pork wontons, morning glory, and slices of roasted pork.

Wah wah

I'm sitting in my apartment. Talking fashion. No mates. I'm the only one with a beer. The Waratahs played and lost tonight. I'm 7524km from my mates in Sydney. I miss home. Wah.

Update: 3 June 2008
I'm over it. No more man tears.

Protein at a price

It was horrific. The sign said it all.

Positively shocking.

Clare and I went to browse the local gourmet supermarket tonight. Amongst the dips, smoked meats and cheeses, was a deliciously succulent looking t-bone.

Terrific marbling, good thickness, colour and texture. Recently cut, and importantly - Australian. Carn 'straya.

But the price? THB$1250/kg. In terms of purchasing power here in Thailand, that equates to a steak worth AUD$124/kg at home (on an average Thai professional salary).

Definitely a luxury item.

(Apologies for the poor quality photo - I was only able to take this on my phone)

Traveling the spice route

I love to cook. However, my skills in culinary alchemy are still pretty remedial – especially when it comes to Asian cuisine.

Clare's Mum Libby has been an advocate for the Chiang Mai Cooking School (possibly on the payroll…) since she visited a few years ago. On her recommendation, Clare and I decided to spend two of our five days in Chiang Mai at the School’s outer campus learning about traditional Thai ingredients, techniques and dishes.

Was Libby right? Without a doubt - the School is definitely in my top 5 things to do in Thailand.

First morning, first stop – Chiang Mai market. Along with a gaggle of fifty-something-year-old women, Clare and I were showed around a local market by our guide “Balloon”. Thai’s have some weird nicknames here.

In all of her ladyboy glory, Balloon demonstrated how coconut cream/milk was made (raw coconut is squeezed, pressed and contorted to extract the ‘cream’ and oil, then boiled in water for the more diluted ‘milk’ product), and also introduced us to an amazing array of mushroom, chilli, herb and vegetable species.

The smells aren’t that dissimilar to what you might experience down at Sydney Markets in Flemington. And just like Sydney Markets, it’s a pretty exciting place.

Like a hive of Thai PI’s, locals wander methodically throughout the market looking for primary produce at a prime price. Children amuse themselves by hooking right into a rambutan (see left). You can smell the morning – it’s fresh and full of promise.

However, unlike in Sydney, dried fish and shrimp sit out in the morning sun attracting flies and my nasal senses. A man reaches into a barrel of live carp, bludgeons one with a plank of wood, then guts it nonchalantly, as if he’s being doing it every day for 20 years. He probably has.

The spectrum is like a blend of the Hunter Valley’s green hills and a Ken Done art exhibition.

From the markets, we move to the school, don our aprons, oil up our woks and get cracking.

First on the menu was Tom Jued - clear soup with minced pork. This dish was a revelation - not only was it delicious and amazingly simple to pull together, but it also reinforced the importance of fresh produce in Thai cooking. You basically make pork balls (with coriander root and garlic), cook them in some pre-boiled stock, chuck in some Chinese cabbage, tofu, glass noodles, soy and salt and pepper and serve. All this takes about just 5 minutes.

I won’t go through the rest of the 11 dishes we learned to make, but I’ll make mention of some of my cooking highlights from the two days.

Paw Pia Tord - Spring rolls. I’ve never made them from scratch before, so it was a pretty comical exercise for Clare and I. I learned you’ve got to be quick, otherwise your fingers may get burned.

Gai Hor Bai Toey - Chicken in pandanus leaves. Like the spring rolls, my culinary coordination failed me yet again, but it was a hell of a lot of fun doing it. Basically you wrap marinated chicken into these long spear-shaped leaves, so that they take the shape of a triangle. Then you bake them for a bit, let them cool, unwrap and smash'em. I thought at the time, they’d make a cracking snack to prepare for mates coming over for a few beers and a game of footy/cricket on TV.

Just as a brief side note, Thais use pandanus leaves when they cook their traditional custards, giving it not only a sweet, natural flavour somewhat akin to a light vanilla, but also a horror-movie slime green colour.

Gaeng Kheo Wan Gai - Green curry with chicken. A bit of a classic in Thai restaurants across Australia, I found most fascinating the process of extracting coconut oil from the coconut cream, which is then used to fry up the curry paste. I also learned that a simple garnish works well for curries too!


We also made:

• Red curry with roast duck (delicious!!)
• Chicken with ginger (Mum, you would have loved it)
• Mango with sticky rice (an old favourite)
• Thai hot and sour prawn soup (Tom Yum, not a fan)
• Thai style fish cakes (good for mates coming over)
• Thai style noodles (simple Phad Thai)
• Spicy minced pork salad (delicious, spicy dish relying on beautifully fresh ingredients, see Thai herb garden at right)
• Water chestnuts with sugar syrup and coconut milk (weird, but satisfying on a hot day).

Each day, I often thought of my family and friends who would just love the experience. I just knew that Mum would be right at home in the market and in talking with the head chefs, and that Dad would be just terrific behind the wok (as he is at home!). Edwina and Leslie would no doubt be in their element, also looking smashing in their branded aprons.

Thai cuisine, like that of many nations, says a lot about its country and people:

• It’s practical – it doesn’t burden itself with difficulty. Could it just be lazy?
• It’s structured – though the concept of order in this country is debatable, ingredients are still prepared with care and cooked with flair.
• It’s proud – Thai cooks are intensely proud that their traditional food still graces the spoons of its people, thousands of years on.
• It’s egalitarian – ingredients here are not only inexpensive, but the menu for the king varies little from that of the suburban seamstress or northern farmer.
• It’s communal – meals in Thailand are about sharing and family…you take your share from each dish and pass it on.
• It’s spicy – this place, despite it’s serene exoskeleton, can be a pretty vicious dish if you’ve blindly or arrogantly sprinkled yourself a bit too much chilli.

Spiritual Thailand

The King and I.
Note the fetching pair of pink fisherman pants. Apparently footie shorts aren't acceptable in the temple.

Buddhism and Thailand are about as symbiotic as schooners and doritos.

Approximately 94% of Thais are practicing Buddhists, with Wats (religious areas) nearly as common on street corners as Thailand's pseudo-capitalist shrine, the 7-Eleven. Even when hurtling full-pelt past a Wat in the back of a tuk-tuk, Thais will still manage to pay homage with a respectful Wai (like a bow using the hands).

Monks here are like William Shatner at a Star Trek convention. Even the poorest of Thais would offer what alms they can at the beginning of the day in respect of their religion and the monks' devotion.

Religious festivals are widely respected as times for religious observance and self-reflection. Clare and I were lucky enough to be close to one of Thailand's most revered Wats whilst visiting Chiang Mai during the Songkran Festival.

So we took the 45-minute sawngthaew up to the top of the area's tallest mountain to check out Wat Prathat Doi Sutep (Prathat temple on Mount Doi Sutep) - an amazing 625 year-old religious stalwart, roughly 15km across and 1.3km vertical from Chiang Mai city.

It was one of those moments I was stoked to have taken 2-unit Studies of Religion way back in 2000-2001 with that wonderful teacher Mrs Sue Kane. It was another unique opportunity to not only understand and appreciate a bit more about the core of Thailand's psyche, but also the peaceful, inward-looking, outward-acting religion.

Just like when we visited the Malaysian national mosque back in March, I was again thrown into wonder - why are people so drawn to religion...what are their motivations??? Maybe I was just getting high from all of the incense smoke...

Here's a few cool pics from the day...

(Left) This one's kind of cool - Thais line up in front of the little Buddhas and spoon sacred burning oil into each of the little cups, saying prayers along the way. This is usually accompanied by a Wai.

(Above right) Similar to left, Thai Buddhists toll the bells, sending prayers as the chime reverberates. Bells were tolling all day. It was sort of like a religious rock concert.

Clare and I in front of a great big bell, donated by a rich Thai businessman. In 1977, one of these cost THB100,000 (AUD$3,000).

This is a picture of me getting blessed by one of the monks in the temple. No need to worry - I haven't converted. It was a very spiritual experience though. I asked him to bless Clare and I with good fortune for our travels. I suppose it's worked - I still haven't been hit by a high tuk-tuk driver or mauled by a soi dog.

As I mentioned earlier, there was more smoke there than on Day 1 of a rehab clinic. Here, Thai's offer gifts and light incense sticks in respect to Buddha.

Classic Thailand

This is Thailand for a few reasons:

1. The pink shirts - Pink is a revered colour in Thailand...it is supposed to represent good health, after His Majesty the King wore the colour coming out of hospital one Tuesday. Thus, most Thai's wear the colour each Tuesday.
2. The sawngthaew - Like a ute with a cover, the sawngthaew usually carries people around their neighbourhood...you just flag it and jump on. Our local one drives us to our BTS for a flat rate of 6 baht (20c). This one is today being used to transport motorbikes.
   
3. Motorbikes - There are bloody hundreds of thousands of them here in Thailand.
4. The blokes standing around not doing much - There are bloody hundreds of thousands of them here in Thailand.
5. The disregard for common sense and safety - Whilst I have now become accustomed to seeing random things like this that defy OH&S standards, strangely in Thailand is kind of all works with anarchic fluidity.
   

It's been 20 days...

...since I blogged.

Sorry about that - been busy. Here goes...

It's been 356 days...

...since Angus blogged.

Bravo.

Liquid ammunition

Flack jacket and protective gear...check.

Gun...check.

Ammo...check.

Map outlining area of operations...check.

Out there, it's an urban war. A guerrilla war. The kind of war where you just never know when you're going to get hit...

It's my first time in battle and I feel every bit the nervous, green soldier. My recon partner seems more relaxed, probably because she's been in-country before. We're camped in a green-zone right in the middle of the action, just outside the main walls of the old city. Our objectives are to survey the surrounding area, locate food supplies, and observe enemy movements.

I'm in a state of sensory overload. In the distance, I hear the shrieks of other soldiers in battle. It's hot. Sticky hot. My hands feel clammy. I can't help but flinch at every moving object, automatically steeling myself for an onslaught. I feverishly suck down a couple of litres of chlorinated, sodium-enriched water.

This war has been going on for years...an internal conflict that more and more foreign mercenaries are beginning to join, many simply for the thrill of adventure. Our intelligence reports that child soldiers, some as young as three years, are willfully participating. The enemy are camped in all directions, waiting for any opportunity to snipe unsuspecting newbies like me. I'm told the locals target your head and neck. Worse still, the foreign mercenaries, many of whom are outrageously high on a plethora of drugs, unforgivingly aim for the face.

Our orders are to move out. I step out into the fray.

I see thousands of enemy lining the streets, unafraid of opposing movements...seconds later I'm hit with an almighty salvo of liquid ammunition. I look around for my partner - she's been hit as well. We rush for cover, but they're everywhere.....


In the middle of April, there's no need to shower or wash your clothes in Chiang Mai. The locals (and many farang) kindly do it for you as you wear them walking down the street. The scene is called 'Songkran', a festival of pure aquatic pandemonium, where the Thai's celebrate the onset of their lunar new year.

Chiang Mai, roughly 700km north-east of Bangkok, is reputed to be Thailand's Songkran epicentre, as many Thais travel back to their home province for the holiday period, and many farang fill the hostels and hotels excited about being able to experience the world's biggest and longest water fight.

Back in the day, Chiang Mai was a key pit stop for traders traversing the Asian continent and beyond. The city was therefore also a hotspot for the good old frictional game of conquer and control. In the 11th century, a bloke by the name of King Mengrai built a square wall and moat around the city, in a bid to stop the city's arch-rivals, the Burmese mob, from getting in.

These days, the wall has pretty much been demolished by time, and temporary pumps provided by the government suck water out from the moats to now service a different fight.

Literally tens of thousands of people line the streets in Chiang Mai every day for four days during the festival. The roads close to the moat move at a snail's pace, with ute-loads of people liberally dispensing with barrels and barrels of water. Sort of like George St Sydney on a Saturay night, only with gallons and gallons of water. And less greasy hairdos.

Just about every kid - old and young - has a water pistol/cannon. The ones that don't, are likely swinging or jumping from trees into the dark grey moat water.

From a spiritual perspective, Thais celebrate Songkran by 'bathing' Buddha images; and the hands of monks and elders' are sprinkled with water (more on that later...).

Songkran for me was a wonderfully foreign experience. I couldn't help but think that something like it just wouldn't work in Australia, especially on a national scale...people would just get too agro, go over the top and the police would have to jump in, a la the Cronulla riots.

The people in Chiang Mai were dripping with joy and celebration...an amazing atmosphere to experience.

Here's a few more pics to demonstrate more of the craziness that is Thailand's yearly Songkran festival:

Ice was big on the streets of Chiang Mai. The locals would buy a block like this, dunk it into a huge barrel, fill the barrel with water, then splash or pour said water on your head. A good way to get over a hangover.

One of the most random experiences, there was a end-of-festival parade through the streets of Chiang Mai, finishing at the provincial Ambassador's residence. We ended up joining in with the beating drums, cymbals, singing and dancing. The lady next to me gave me my lei, as she was impressed with my pink singlet (a colour considered regally respectful in Thailand).

Big wet action from the back of the utes.

More action on the streets. Note the guy with the cannon at the bottom right.

Thousands of people lined the streets.

I'm not sure if this kid was scared of this guy because he was dressed like RoboCop, or because of the imminent soaking he was about to receive.

Fetching water from the moat.

A Thai holiday

Even the Thais like a touch of island paradise every now and then.

Clare and I, along with some friends of ours, decided to venture to Koh Samet for one of Thailand's squillion long weekends. Koh Samet is situated just off the south-eastern coastline 5.5hrs bus ride below Bangkok.

Thankfully, the island isn't (yet) bursting at the seams with English backpackers and seedy European pedophiles. It's where Thais (albeit relatively rich Thais) go for a family holiday.

The island is supposed to be protected by National and Marine Parks restrictions, however the lure of the tourist dollar seems to be Phi-Phi-ing the tourist spots on the island - accelerating development on the island at the expense of some of the island's natural areas.

But who am I to complain? I'm not Thai, and I'm the one that's paying with 'the tourist dollar'. I just hope the mistakes of the islands in the Andaman Sea aren't repeated in the Gulf of Thailand.

Koh Samet's coastline is beautiful, marine live still abundant, and has enough holiday amenities to keep you comfortable. (But no Pay TV Super 14 Rugby in the bars, as I emotionally found out...)

But by far the coolest thing about Koh Samet was the fresh seafood at prices that would make patrons at seaside RSL's back home choke on their battered fleck 'n chips.

Open-plan beachside bbq's greet you with an eye-popping array of seafood, including oysters, prawns, scallops, whole fish and lobster....usually accompanied by a simple chilli and lime sauce. From memory, I think I paid AUD$9 for two beers, a dozen scallops and a dozen large prawns!

After handpicking your dinner, you simply pull up a mat and low-sitting table on the beach (similar to the middle-eastern style), sink beers, eat and enjoy candlelight conversation.

Whilst the visibility was a little hazy, the snorkeling was still pretty good during the day. I was twice able to check out some excellent coral shelves, which boasted more fluro than a Sydney music festival. The sea life was also fantastic, with fish darting in and out of the coral corners. A great, quiet antidote to the intensity of Bangkok.

Clare and I charted a speed boat to get to the island - it was totally James Bond.

They even serve Koori noodle with tofu on Koh Samet. Ouch!

You've changed...

I heard a rumour the other day that the Australian Government is mooting an assistance package to Australian dairy farmers after milk consumption has strangely and rapidly decreased in the past month.

Very un-Rudd like, the word on the street's that Kevin is even calling for an inquiry into what people are now coining 'milkgate'.

Just kidding...

Since I left Australia, my milk consumption has decreased from an average 1-1.5L a day, to about 0.5L per week. Furthermore, good quality meat that isn't in bed with Mr E. Coli is also pretty hard to find in and around my Soi, so I have been eating a lot of vegetarian-based dishes.

And yet another slap in the face to my old Aussie dairy farming mates, I'm starting to drink soy milk. Oh God.

Fresh, cheap, pleasantly-flavoured milk seems to be hard to come by in Thailand. There's UHT and powder - which I don't mind - but after my stint in hospital, I seem to have reformed into a soy-drinking, vegetable-eating girly-man.

I need help.

Can someone please send a batch of bovine-related products to arrest this decline in self...at the very least, I'll need a few litres of milk and a basket of assorted cheeses (and some nice crackers!).

Getting to know the Thai health system

As some of you may know, I was hospitalised last week with a nasty form of gastroenteritis, which included a bouncing fever between 36 and 39.4 degrees; constant, quaintly artistic dihorrea & vomiting; mass inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract; and some general weightloss over the four days good enough for Australia's Biggest Loser.

The hospital itself is refuted to be the best in Thailand and it's facilities some of the best in the world. I have never known of a hospital where the nurses are so attentive.

Perhaps it was because, as I found out later, the nurses thought I "rook rike George Crooney". 'George Clooney'...come on! I don't look that old!!! At one stage there were 7 nurses in my room asking how I felt, how many times I had gone to the bathroom that past hour and whether there was anything else they could get me.

Either way, the nurses at the hospital were amazingly helpful and made a pretty revolting time much more bearable.

But the nurses at BNH were nowhere near as amazing as my own personal nurse, Clare...whether she was directing a Thai cab driver to the hospital, giving me cool wet washer baths to fight the fever, coming straight to the hospital to see me after a full day at work, or simply working with the doctors and nurses to work out what was wrong with me when I was too lucid from the cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics.

I spent four days and three nights there, taking in about 12L of fluids through a saline drip, a heap of painkillers and anti-inflammatory meds, and about 1.5L of a hardcore antibiotics. My gastro told me that when I came in my white blood cell count was 4.5 times that of a normal person...my guts certainly felt the wrath.

How am I now? Feeling tip-top and terrific.

Napoleon was right on the money when he said that "an army marches on its stomach". After 3 weeks of my guts feeling like they had constantly been pumped up, deflated, punched and prodded, being able to now eat and feel normally has made me feel so much more enthusiastic and confident about my place in this city.

Bring on the chilli.

** By the way, I'm not nude under the bedsheet.

A bit of a polish

Hotel Bell got a bit of a spruce up recently - it would be great to know what you guys reckon about the new layout, header and colours!

I'm practically Thai

Some exciting news - today I was able to:

• Say good afternoon to the couple who run my local rice shack
  
• Order two fried rice meals with chicken, vegetables and no (extra) chilli
• Negotiate the price for the meal
• Thank the cook and her offsider for the meal

....all in Thai!!!

Later I'll go down and say 'ardoi' - Thai for 'delicious'.

A seemingly small, but significant victory!

This is Bangkok

A few people have asked me what Bangkok is really like. To be honest, I've struggled with a bit of culture shock.

Not helping the matter, I've also had a bit of a rough trot with my guts, eating only five meals in the past five days, spending more time on the loo than in the back of a taxi exploring. As I expected, shifting oneself well away from the familiarities of home was always going to be hard...but I didn't anticipate it being this hard to comprehend.

There are so many things about this place that just give me the shits (in more ways than one):

• The constant film of sweat
• The warm wafts of faecal air rising from the sewers as you contemplate a cup of barbequed corn
• Seeing people laugh, but having no idea why
• Dog shit on the footpath being a reality, not a rarity
• A distinct lack of steak, fresh sandwiches, real milk and doritos
• The TV signal shutting off all the time, including when there was 2 minutes to go in a Brumbies match in the balance
• Electrical plugs and holes being of varying size
• Loud, louder, loudest
• Not being able to read the Thai instructions on how to operate the coin-operated washing machines
• My mobile being locked to Vodafone Australia because of the spanner-head in Crows Nest who sold me a locked phone when I paid extra for overseas freedom
• Not being able to explain that the deeply-Asian haircutting style manual my hairdresser had given me is not only 20 years out of date, but in no way indicative of my "No. 3 on the sides and a bit off the top, thanks"...or not being able to say even the most basic of things like “it’s a lovely day”, or “your mangos look delicious, how much?”
• The incessant, insistent tuk tuk driver and hawkers.

They all seem like small things, but when the sum of these (and more) parts add up, I feel like going absolutely mental. I'm also looking for a job at the moment, which is adding to the stress.

But you know what? Thailand isn't going to beat me.

So I'm trying to focus on the positives:

• Finding mirth in the fact that there are whole shopping isles devoted to bottled water
  
• Longnecks of the local Chang beer - better than VB, but not as good as Scharers...at AUD$1.30
  
• The nightclub disco/lounge where I felt like I should have been wearing a pair of tight white flares like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever
  
• The ska/punk/rock/reggae outfit that was playing their unique blend of everything from Metallica's 'The Unforgiven' and Green Day's 'Welcome to paradise' through to Europe's 'The final countdown' last night at a club (Willis, you would have loved it)
• Air-conditioned skytrains that not only run on time, but are fast and provide some solace from the heat
  
• The 50 Baht (AUD$2) cab rides home
• Being able to now greet people properly and count to 20
• My gorgeous girlfriend and the excitement of her first full-time job.

A quick story on my difficulties with the language...

Clare and I splurged one afternoon at a health spa, consisting of herbal teas, a foot scrub, and then an aromatherapy sauna, spa and 2hr full-body massage. At the end of the massage, the young girl wai'd (it's a type of bow, not a freaky form of water sport) and basically said in Thai, "Thank you very much".

Feeling as though Buddha himself had just finished massaging me into a hazy state of nirvana, I replied straight away, in Thai, "hello, nice to meet you".

Oops.

Then there was last night - I silenced a whole table of Thais in a restaurant after innocently pointing past them at a back wall. I found out that pointing with your index finger in Thailand is tantamount to sticking your middle finger up at someone in Australia. I also learned that you need to use your whole hand when demonstrating a direction.

All part of the life and learning process, I guess. I'll be sticking at it.