This is Bangkok

A few people have asked me what Bangkok is really like. To be honest, I've struggled with a bit of culture shock.

Not helping the matter, I've also had a bit of a rough trot with my guts, eating only five meals in the past five days, spending more time on the loo than in the back of a taxi exploring. As I expected, shifting oneself well away from the familiarities of home was always going to be hard...but I didn't anticipate it being this hard to comprehend.

There are so many things about this place that just give me the shits (in more ways than one):

• The constant film of sweat
• The warm wafts of faecal air rising from the sewers as you contemplate a cup of barbequed corn
• Seeing people laugh, but having no idea why
• Dog shit on the footpath being a reality, not a rarity
• A distinct lack of steak, fresh sandwiches, real milk and doritos
• The TV signal shutting off all the time, including when there was 2 minutes to go in a Brumbies match in the balance
• Electrical plugs and holes being of varying size
• Loud, louder, loudest
• Not being able to read the Thai instructions on how to operate the coin-operated washing machines
• My mobile being locked to Vodafone Australia because of the spanner-head in Crows Nest who sold me a locked phone when I paid extra for overseas freedom
• Not being able to explain that the deeply-Asian haircutting style manual my hairdresser had given me is not only 20 years out of date, but in no way indicative of my "No. 3 on the sides and a bit off the top, thanks"...or not being able to say even the most basic of things like “it’s a lovely day”, or “your mangos look delicious, how much?”
• The incessant, insistent tuk tuk driver and hawkers.

They all seem like small things, but when the sum of these (and more) parts add up, I feel like going absolutely mental. I'm also looking for a job at the moment, which is adding to the stress.

But you know what? Thailand isn't going to beat me.

So I'm trying to focus on the positives:

• Finding mirth in the fact that there are whole shopping isles devoted to bottled water
  
• Longnecks of the local Chang beer - better than VB, but not as good as Scharers...at AUD$1.30
  
• The nightclub disco/lounge where I felt like I should have been wearing a pair of tight white flares like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever
  
• The ska/punk/rock/reggae outfit that was playing their unique blend of everything from Metallica's 'The Unforgiven' and Green Day's 'Welcome to paradise' through to Europe's 'The final countdown' last night at a club (Willis, you would have loved it)
• Air-conditioned skytrains that not only run on time, but are fast and provide some solace from the heat
  
• The 50 Baht (AUD$2) cab rides home
• Being able to now greet people properly and count to 20
• My gorgeous girlfriend and the excitement of her first full-time job.

A quick story on my difficulties with the language...

Clare and I splurged one afternoon at a health spa, consisting of herbal teas, a foot scrub, and then an aromatherapy sauna, spa and 2hr full-body massage. At the end of the massage, the young girl wai'd (it's a type of bow, not a freaky form of water sport) and basically said in Thai, "Thank you very much".

Feeling as though Buddha himself had just finished massaging me into a hazy state of nirvana, I replied straight away, in Thai, "hello, nice to meet you".

Oops.

Then there was last night - I silenced a whole table of Thais in a restaurant after innocently pointing past them at a back wall. I found out that pointing with your index finger in Thailand is tantamount to sticking your middle finger up at someone in Australia. I also learned that you need to use your whole hand when demonstrating a direction.

All part of the life and learning process, I guess. I'll be sticking at it.