Getting to know the Thai health system

As some of you may know, I was hospitalised last week with a nasty form of gastroenteritis, which included a bouncing fever between 36 and 39.4 degrees; constant, quaintly artistic dihorrea & vomiting; mass inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract; and some general weightloss over the four days good enough for Australia's Biggest Loser.

The hospital itself is refuted to be the best in Thailand and it's facilities some of the best in the world. I have never known of a hospital where the nurses are so attentive.

Perhaps it was because, as I found out later, the nurses thought I "rook rike George Crooney". 'George Clooney'...come on! I don't look that old!!! At one stage there were 7 nurses in my room asking how I felt, how many times I had gone to the bathroom that past hour and whether there was anything else they could get me.

Either way, the nurses at the hospital were amazingly helpful and made a pretty revolting time much more bearable.

But the nurses at BNH were nowhere near as amazing as my own personal nurse, Clare...whether she was directing a Thai cab driver to the hospital, giving me cool wet washer baths to fight the fever, coming straight to the hospital to see me after a full day at work, or simply working with the doctors and nurses to work out what was wrong with me when I was too lucid from the cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics.

I spent four days and three nights there, taking in about 12L of fluids through a saline drip, a heap of painkillers and anti-inflammatory meds, and about 1.5L of a hardcore antibiotics. My gastro told me that when I came in my white blood cell count was 4.5 times that of a normal person...my guts certainly felt the wrath.

How am I now? Feeling tip-top and terrific.

Napoleon was right on the money when he said that "an army marches on its stomach". After 3 weeks of my guts feeling like they had constantly been pumped up, deflated, punched and prodded, being able to now eat and feel normally has made me feel so much more enthusiastic and confident about my place in this city.

Bring on the chilli.

** By the way, I'm not nude under the bedsheet.

This is Bangkok

A few people have asked me what Bangkok is really like. To be honest, I've struggled with a bit of culture shock.

Not helping the matter, I've also had a bit of a rough trot with my guts, eating only five meals in the past five days, spending more time on the loo than in the back of a taxi exploring. As I expected, shifting oneself well away from the familiarities of home was always going to be hard...but I didn't anticipate it being this hard to comprehend.

There are so many things about this place that just give me the shits (in more ways than one):

• The constant film of sweat
• The warm wafts of faecal air rising from the sewers as you contemplate a cup of barbequed corn
• Seeing people laugh, but having no idea why
• Dog shit on the footpath being a reality, not a rarity
• A distinct lack of steak, fresh sandwiches, real milk and doritos
• The TV signal shutting off all the time, including when there was 2 minutes to go in a Brumbies match in the balance
• Electrical plugs and holes being of varying size
• Loud, louder, loudest
• Not being able to read the Thai instructions on how to operate the coin-operated washing machines
• My mobile being locked to Vodafone Australia because of the spanner-head in Crows Nest who sold me a locked phone when I paid extra for overseas freedom
• Not being able to explain that the deeply-Asian haircutting style manual my hairdresser had given me is not only 20 years out of date, but in no way indicative of my "No. 3 on the sides and a bit off the top, thanks"...or not being able to say even the most basic of things like “it’s a lovely day”, or “your mangos look delicious, how much?”
• The incessant, insistent tuk tuk driver and hawkers.

They all seem like small things, but when the sum of these (and more) parts add up, I feel like going absolutely mental. I'm also looking for a job at the moment, which is adding to the stress.

But you know what? Thailand isn't going to beat me.

So I'm trying to focus on the positives:

• Finding mirth in the fact that there are whole shopping isles devoted to bottled water
  
• Longnecks of the local Chang beer - better than VB, but not as good as Scharers...at AUD$1.30
  
• The nightclub disco/lounge where I felt like I should have been wearing a pair of tight white flares like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever
  
• The ska/punk/rock/reggae outfit that was playing their unique blend of everything from Metallica's 'The Unforgiven' and Green Day's 'Welcome to paradise' through to Europe's 'The final countdown' last night at a club (Willis, you would have loved it)
• Air-conditioned skytrains that not only run on time, but are fast and provide some solace from the heat
  
• The 50 Baht (AUD$2) cab rides home
• Being able to now greet people properly and count to 20
• My gorgeous girlfriend and the excitement of her first full-time job.

A quick story on my difficulties with the language...

Clare and I splurged one afternoon at a health spa, consisting of herbal teas, a foot scrub, and then an aromatherapy sauna, spa and 2hr full-body massage. At the end of the massage, the young girl wai'd (it's a type of bow, not a freaky form of water sport) and basically said in Thai, "Thank you very much".

Feeling as though Buddha himself had just finished massaging me into a hazy state of nirvana, I replied straight away, in Thai, "hello, nice to meet you".

Oops.

Then there was last night - I silenced a whole table of Thais in a restaurant after innocently pointing past them at a back wall. I found out that pointing with your index finger in Thailand is tantamount to sticking your middle finger up at someone in Australia. I also learned that you need to use your whole hand when demonstrating a direction.

All part of the life and learning process, I guess. I'll be sticking at it.

Bad oral incident

Why have I been up since 3:30am on a school night? Because my back right bottom molar is inflamed like a mo-fo and currently feels like North Korea is using the area as part of their nuclear testing regime.

The bonus is that I've already read today's stories on SMH online.

I'm going to see a dentist tomorrow.