Saturday night Bangkok beer garden

...and Christmas is getting loose

So we like apple martinis...

Christmas!

Currently at the Four Seasons Hotel smashing Bellinis with the other Bangkok 'orphans'...

To Saigon!

I'm on my way to Saigon for the weekend for a rugby tour. Just got through immigration and am having a quiet one while the other blokes arrive.

Phuket pina colada

Currently at a clifftop Bob Marley themed bar, sucking down a pina colada as the day wanes.

We're staying the weekend down the bottom of Phuket, at my mate Gearing's holiday house. Enjoyed an excellent day at the beach - a bit of surf, swimming and beach cricket retribution against a few poms. Magical stuff.

Clare and I on Sunday

Clare and I are in bed, feeling somewhat sorry for ourselves after a particularly festive Saturday night...Clare sent me this PM on Skype which pretty much sums up the two of us (yes, we message each other whilst lying side-by-side...).

How do you feel?

In 2008, I...

Went surfing at 6am on New Years Day at Manly Beach Sold my queen-sized bed for $2 on eBay Moved to Thailand Holidayed in six different countries: with Angus, Clare and new mates in Thailand, Clare in Malaysia, Clare in Singapore, Em in the UAE, Myself in Cambodia, and the O’Connors & Bells in Australia Went fishing with my old man and caught my first Bream in years Wrote 72 blog posts Caught 20-something flights Got my first grey hair Drove twice Scored two tries in rugby Broke four pairs of sunglasses Gave my old employer six weeks leaving notice to be a good bloke and got screwed for four Ate tarantula and flipped out Ate BBQ’d prawns on the beach and loved it Ate Som Tum (Spicy Thai green papaya salad) and hated it Ate Chili crab in Singapore with Clare and made a mess Was often addressed as “Herro, Massa’a” and heard “Skoomy sirrr, sexy DVD, ping-pong, you want??” at least 500 times Started playing rugby again, and went alright Started playing cricket again, and sucked! Started wakeboarding, and was ‘stoked’ Started drinking ice with my beer Played golf at some of Asia’s best courses Went surfing with Clare on an artificial wave, also being filmed live in Malaysian travel show Went caving in a Thai National Park Was admitted to hospital for a total of 2% of my 2008 Was unemployed for a total of 34% of the year Lost 10% of my body weight Rode a mountain bike 24km across the Northern Thai countryside in 43 degree heat and vomited four times Rode a scooter, an elephant, bamboo raft and a mechanical bull for the first time ever, but not at the same time Lived for more than a month in four different places

Stopped living in the Moodie Street ‘Dog House’ with one of my best mates Visited the middle east for the first time ever Grew a strong affinity for ‘rice with egg’ or Khao Kai Dow, as they say in the business Started using internet on my mobile Probably didn’t keep in contact with my family and friends enough Moved in with Clare Helped prepare my Mum’s rose garden Started paying for my laundry to be washed, dried, ironed and delivered, with the only drawback being that my boardshorts now have dweeby razor-sharp creases ironed down the middle Went to a Thai winery and got pissed Went snorkeling in the Gulf of Thailand Went wind-surfing in the Andaman Sea Went to Thailand’s highest temple and got blessed by a monk Only occasionally saw a sky full of stars Watched Kylie Minogue, live in concert Celebrated my first Christmas away from home Missed all of my family’s birthdays Bought new boots Bought a new mobile phone Bought a new laptop and got connected, baby Bought a new fish, ‘Nit Noi’ Found an amazing tailor Survived Bangkok protests, bombings, fires, an economic downturn and several drinking sessions with my rugby mates Sweated more than the previous five years combined Got pissed in three separate swim-up bars Learned to surf Learned Thai cooking techniques Learned Cambodian cooking techniques Learned a bit of Thai language Learned a bit more about myself Read 18 books Started reading The Economist and love it Supported the pirated DVD trade with the purchase of about 70 new DVDs Enjoyed my first ever ladyboy show (Painfully) enjoyed my first ever Thai massage Fell asleep before midnight again on New Years Eve

Boeing boozing

I wrote this post while flying from Bangers to Dubai for quick business trip...I'm not really flying and blogging right now...


There's something quite enticing about a 3049 mile trip with free booze.

Not only am I excited about being on my first fully-paid overseas business trip, but also the fact that it's Friday night and I'm in the mood to have a couple to relax after a massive week at work.

Right now I'm flying over India, roughly about 500km east of Mumbai. I've so far tallied a jovial two beers, five wines, three X.O.s and two shots of port...oh, hang on...another X.O. has just arrived.

Right, back to it.

So anyway, I'm bloody excited.

The problem is, the bloke next to me is an Arab who, despite intermittently hocking up the most obscene wads of phlegm from his throat, doesn't look like he's keen for a drink.

Meaning - there's free booze and I don't have a drinking partner.

Which made me think - who would I most want to spend a few hours of stratospheric boozy bliss with?

Well, I reckon Barrack Obama would be a good start. Just picking his brains on his campaign strategy and the whether secret service agents actually have a sense of humour would be pretty sweet.

But then again, seeing as he's now just made President, he's probably not really one to risk a hangover, not to mention the fact his surrounding agents would be clicked off safety with all of our middle-eastern brothers sharing the flight.

So what about Germaine Greer?? Could be an interesting discussion. I think I'd start proceedings off with an ice-breaking joke: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Feminists can't change a thing.

Oh the hilarity! Her voracious and much more educated tongue may get a little too intense for me though...and I'm not sure what her aim is like with a wine glass...

Tom Jones? Dig it. But only if there's karaoke. I've always wanted to do a topless rendition of 'It's not unusual' with the big man.

A trio of my all-time favourite three ex-international rugby hookers, Phil Kearns (Australia), Keith Wood (Ireland) and Sean Fitzpatrick (New Zealand)? Loose. Talking rugby and getting on the cans for 7 hours with these blokes would make a bloody good trip. We could even pack down a few scrums with the Thai hosties.

Prince Harry? I'm not usually one for the British Royals, but I reckon this fanta-pant regal bad-boy might have a bit of bubble inside him...I could easily see us spraying beer about the cabin and partaking in the odd push-up comp.

The mind boggles, really...

Who would you like to spend a boozy flight with?

Happy birthday Amelia!

So work's been holding me by the grundle for a while now - frequent blogging has been forced to take a back seat. This is why I'm posting about Amelia's birthday 14 days after the event.

My sister Amelia turned 22 on the 2nd of September - Clare and I went to meet her at her place, offload some presents, take her out for lunch in Leichardt and then get on the piss at the Harbourview Hotel in the Rocks.

Note my brilliant wrapping skills in the two photos on the right:

• The left-over wrapping paper with a footy tape bow. Exquisite.
• Recycling the previous morning's Sydney Morning Herald.

Here's a few more pictures from the day:

The Wish top we got Meils. Apparently she likes the brand, according to my #1 partner in crime.

The matching platter and salad bowl with the same flower that blooms at the time of Amelia's birthday.

Some midget who tried to get the party started early with a few lines of coke.

The Harbourview Hotel! Note the gorgeous day and bridge in the background.

Two hotties at the pub.

Two more hotties.

NB: Amelia is wearing heals...that's why I resemble Bilbo Baggins.

Happy birthday babe - hope you had a wonderful day...x

Missing Bathurst

I went back to Bathurst on the weekend to spend some time with Clare and go out with some of her mates. However, I forgot it was Grad week, so there were heaps of people there, taking full advantage of the opportunity to participate in one of their last true Bathurst benders.

I couldn't help but take a few photos of the place, and the things I miss most about it. In no specific order, here they are:


No traffic

No cars zooming past - and look how clean the streets are!!!


Clare

They say absence makes the heart grow stronger, but I reckon the bloke who said that was probably just constantly in the doghouse, wanted the weekend with his mates, and needed that saying as justification to do so.

The picture below is of Clare & I on a hot date at the Acropole Restaurant. Incidently, whilst a teenager boarding at St Joseph's Convent Perthville, about 15km East of Bathurst, my Mum went on one of her first dates with some bloke to the same restaurant. They had a banana split.

Zigi, the European taxi driver

Zigi has been driving in Bathurst for 19 years after immigrating to Australia and working for some small company back then named Siemens. Ex-Bathurstians may remember her for her stern, but maternally reassuring advice, "don't you dare spew in my cab" or "you'd better finish those beers before you jump into my cab - go on...hurry up, down the hatch".

She informed me on my ride back that she's suffered ONLY two bashings. Fantastic. I've got her number by the way if anyone wants to be, well picked up.

The Park Hotel @ 1:50am

All smiles. I bought a schooner (not schmiddie) and four spirits for $17. The crowd - friendly, approachable and generally well behaved. Well, except a few rugby boofheads getting nude in front of their mates and a group of adoring 1st-year Comm. mattresses.

Old uni friends

Helen Caldwell (pictured below) came back from Canada a couple of weeks ago to visit family and graduate. It was an absolute privilege to catch up with her - she's one of those people I most miss bumping into on the library lawn for a chat, or dancing with to Cyndi Lauper at the uni bar time after time...

3-inch wedges owned by the wives of Oberon lumberjacks

Enough said.

So what else do ex-residents of Bathurst miss most?

Hold onto your schooners, people.

Shocking news today. See page 12 of today's Daily Telegraph:


As indicated from previous posts, one of my most favourite pubs in the whole universe is The Lord Wolseley Hotel in Ultimo. The reasons for this:

• No inner-city schmiddies
• Seldom a wanker in sight
• Friendly bar staff
• Equally friendly fellow guests
• History etched through the pub's many wrinkles
• Pictures of the grand final winning footy team from 1973 still adorning the humble walls
• The lamb chops and mash taste like my nan's

...and most importantly

• You can go outside to drink some of the fabled amber under a fading crimson sky in an adjoining park.

Until now.

It seems as though this practice will again become another 'wrinkle' - a laugh line representing the good times, if you will.

Basically, the special agreement that allowed people to drink in the park until dark has been squashed by Sydney City Council, meaning I'll have to now go inside to drink my beer. Why am I pissed off? Because this kind of move is typical of where the character of Sydney's pub scene is headed - squandering its way toward monotony.

Solution? I say Mr T replaces Clover Moore as Lord Mayor. I pity the fool who limits my beer drinking opportunity.

A loose nut, but thankfully the wheels stay on

Well, it's been a festive few Saturday nights out of late. Instead of spruiking multiple posts of me essentially getting pissed and acting like an idiot, I thought I throw it all into the one drunken melting pot.

Millgate's housewarming

Elton John even made an appearance at Millgate's housewarming.

What a host! I arrived at a very flash Marrickville home to be greeted by a smiling Mr Millgate with a 100-pack of spring rolls and glass of sparkling in hand. A bevvy of fantastic people there on the night, I got to meet the rest of the housemates, a few random mates of Tim's, and of course - the gorgeous CSU crowd.

I indulged in 4 long necks of Coopers Pale Ale and about 40 spring rolls. I made my exit just before the crowd moved onto a few gay bars - as much of a confidence boosting exercise it could have been, I had another engagement for the evening to attend to...

Pillaging & plundering with Traill et al

Wow. What a party. Seriously up there with some of the loosest I've experienced. Made me miss Bathurst.

Traill decided to co-host a party with a few mates at a three-tiered terrace in Glebe. Theme: Viking.

• Three levels
• Two DJ's
• Live band
• Suckling pig on the spit (I only caught the carcass-end of this particular facet, so have decided not to post photos of it on the blog for fear of offending an animal liberationist swine-lover something...)
• Fur, leather, swords and other 10th century Scandinavian paraphernalia
• A room titled 'the dutch oven' with projected movie about a midget motorcyclist named Little Wang Wang

A picture of Traill consuming the blood of a virgin calf from a jewelled war helmet. Or maybe it's some Absolut Citron and lemonade.

At about 1am, a couple of polite gentlemen dressed in blue decided to quieten the festivities down somewhat, so Lloyd, Morgs and I headed to the city to continue our discussions into the finer points of politically-motivated environmental rhetoric leading into the 2007 NSW state election.

For some reason, we struggled to get in anywhere - perhaps it was the viking helmets sitting proudly on our heads, combined with our glistening swords and shields? It would be a different story if there were a pack of unruly Saxons wreaking havoc inside...

Morgs successfully deflecting a strike from one of the bouncers metal-detectors.

We ended up getting into the Shark Bar, agreeing to leave our weapons at the door. It was fun.

Footy, mates and other shenanigans!

Willis managed to get some free tickets to the Waratahs for Halter, his bro Andy and myself. I thought it would be rude not to go.

But on one condition - I'm not drinking. "OK", I thought, "I'll take this thermos and drink hot beverages instead of schooners at the footy". Top idea - and it lasted, until I hit Paddo RSL after the match and felt like a cheeky scotch.

The Waratahs sucked that night - losing to the Stormers 16-10.

After a few extra scotches at the Paddo, we wandered down to Fringe Bar. Did you know it was St Patrick's Day that day also?

Check out:

• My thermos. Thanks mum.
• The guy's vacant arm. Obviously he was escorting some young lady, who managed to slip out of his outstretched grasp after he passed out.
• The drool patch on this dude's shirt.

So here's a few pictures from the night:

This is an arty picture of the inside of Fringe Bar, taken with a long exposure. I really like the ripples from the disco balls - kind of 'liquifies' the light.

Willis crumping, Dave wondering what he's doing out with these two fools, me shocked at an ever-receding hairline.

I met Jules there - we danced for about 2 hours...awesome!!! However, my upper left trapezius may have cramped awkwardly, just as I was in the middle of a lifting movement with her.

This is a picture of the half-cow's ass we slapped on the BBQ for breakfast when we got home.

BINGAY!

Sixteen, one-six. Legal age for boys and girls, sixteen...

Sixty-nine, six-nine. Dinner for two, sixty-nine...

Eighty-eight, eight-eight. Two fat ladies - it's lonely in the sidecar...

Clare, Amelia, Karla, Clare's mate Whitey, Chris, Malin, Millgate, myself and some random Canadian guy looking for boy-love went to Bingay at the Imperial Hotel on Tuesday.

For those uninitiated, it's basically regular bingo run by Mitzi MacIntosh, one of Australia's favourite drag queens and her sidekick dyke, Naomi. Once your numbers are all called out, you have to yell 'BINGAY!!'. If you call 'Bing-O', you have to wear a penis-hat. Quite simple, really.

The best thing about it is that all prizes are donated and money raised from the games goes to the AIDS Council of NSW.

So anyway, we went to Bingay, had a fabulous time, darling, and won a few things along the way. Millgate won a topless garden gnome, some condoms, chocolate and some tickets to Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Karla won a Natio beauty gift pack and Clare won a meat tray and a copy of Mission Impossible III on DVD. Yes, that's right, a meat tray. Eight lamb chops, six thick snags, two slabs of rump steak and a mutton leg.

Here comes the bride...

Nice outfits - scared the shit out of us.

Congrats to Penny and her soon-to-be husband Josh.

The crew went for a bit of a road trip up to Newcastle to celebrate the lovers' engagement. The party was a great opportunity to meet some more of Josh's mates, eat chops stacked 3-high on platters as big as Newy surfboards and of course, get pissy with the Batho kids. Here's a few photos (there may or may not be some more colourful ones on another site - for those in the know, they're hot. Thanks to Tim M.):

Karla and Dani getting ready. They'd make a fabulous pair of Charlie's Angels.

Crare and Ezre.

That's what mates are for. I had a bit of lamb chop stuck in my beard. Check out our mos.

Penny & I...

La Fiesta de Steve (part 3)

So I stopped drinking at an early 1:30am on Sunday morning. Dave stayed over and broke the futon again by the way. I arose at 7:30am (five hours sleep, taking into account daylight savings) still feeling the effects of a few too many Scharer's/Coronas/
Jaegerbombs/Vodka-Redbulls/30 year-old rum/Dodgy midnight pizza slices.

How about a 22km birthday walk around the Sydney Harbour foreshore??

So Clare & I got dressed, bundled ourselves into the car and raced off to meet Boz ready for the Seven Bridges Walk. We registered near Star City casino. Thank Christ they had free bottled water. So we started our walk, got lost before we hit our first bloody bridge, eventually making it onto the Anzac - what a marvel of modern engineering. Too bad it made me feel like vomiting on myself.

It took us 5.5 hours, walking a clockwise loop from Pymont to Balmain, along Victoria Rd to Hunter's Hill, through the back of Riverview, winding our way through Lane Cove National Park, into Waverton and through to Kiribilli, across the Harbour Bridge and back to the car near Pyrmont. We walked over the Pyrmont, Anzac, Iron Cove, Gladesville, Tarban Creek, Figtree and Harbour Bridges.

Sweet, holy mother of Jesus. What a mission. But so worth it - what a way to bring in my 23rd year!!!!