Friends

Firstly, my apologies for posting the poor language. I made it one of my rules when I started the blog that I would not use any profane language.

However, this time I had to make an exception.

Being creative with health policy

Before you read on, I can assure you that this isn't a hardcore post about Australian politics. It's all about the link between nutrition and technology, unwittingly being promoted by a bloke who may well become Australia's next Prime Minister...

As the political pontificating begins to take full flight, I am wondering why healthcare hasn't been of a bigger concern? So far, we've only heard a bitty from Tony Abbott yesterday about how he is going to give $400 to women who have had to undergo a mastectomy and require a prosthetic breast. In response, Labor offered their typical 'me too'.

Which leads me to this question:

If Kevin Rudd is instilled as PM, and delivers on his party's plan to provide Australia with a world class national broadband network, what possible benefit will the policy have on the state of the nation's health?? Is there any usefull crossover???

Perhaps the answer is in this YouTube video...(watch Rudd seated on the left)



Yep, K-Rudd will be able to 'wax lyrical' about tips like this - and others - to the kids of Australia at rapid speed!!!

It's my birthday in a four days

...and now it's started. I just received this package from my sister Cass and her boyfriend Cossie. As I mentioned in my thankyou email to them, the package is now sitting on my desk, teasing me like a hamburger just out of a fat kid's reach - I won't be able to open it until Saturday!

Saturday is looking to shape up as an absolute cracker, with an ex-CSU student pub crawl planned by Weens, spanning a number of pubs throughout the Surry Hills region.

By the way, a hefty reward for anyone willing to divulge some valuable intel on what Clare has planned for my birthday this Friday/Saturday.

It's my birthday in a week

Just thought I'd let you know...

One for Angus

A few pics from when Clare and I decided to go for a walk down to Kiribilli for calamari, chips and beer.


Enjoying yet another gorgeous spring day, I couldn't help but notice a busload of Japanese school kids. Strangely, I began to feel this uncanny extra-sensory demand from my Burbery Yoda (who chooses not to blog, might I add) to go down and make relations.

But not the kind of relations Bill Clinton would promote - more like how a 40 year-old woman would mob Aerosmith for his photo, and in the same breath reminisce about good times gone by.

So this is me with Suki and 'Yoko' (I can't remember the second one's name).

They were great - language was a slight problem, but I ended up being a bit of a hit, being asked to pose for many, many more photos with some of the other 400 kids in their group.

They'll probably go home and tell their parents the story about how they got a photo with this weird Aussie guy who insisted they include bunny ears.

And this is an attempted art shot encompassing the best of the day (although Clare isn't in shot).

A day for yolks, folks!

What a time to celebrate! A day of perennial excitement, children across the world are salivating at the thought of omlettes, quiches and mayonaise.

Today, friends, is World Egg Day. A day of protein and nutritional benefit for all!

To celebrate, below are two photos of a poached egg-off Willis and I had last weekend. On the right-hand side of the page, you will find a poll...feel free to vote - left or right - which egg you'd most like to wake up to on a Sunday morning.

The eggs in full form.

Exposing the yolk.

Smashing a ton

Well, it's been emotional. This is my 100th blog post since Hotel Bell's inception back on 4 November 2006!!!!

In January of this year, I set up a Google Analytics account to track what content people are finding most appealing, which randoms are reading my blog and from which countries, as well as to immerse myself in a web-world I've never encountered, from a general education perspective.

In celebration of the 100th, I thought I'd take a stroll through some of the quirky, questionable and quixotic results from my Analytics account:

Basic stats (since 23 Jan 2007)

• 2,166 visits from 660 different computer IPs
• 4,289 pages viewed, averaging 1.98 pages viewed per visit
• Visitors spend an average of 2 minutes and 35 seconds on the site
• Most visits in a day - 32

Languages & countries (in order of usage)

• English, Chinese, Slovak, Spanish, Danish, Italian, French, Hungarian
• Australia, UK, US, Ireland, China, Argentina, Canada, Italy, Sweden, Germany, New Zealand, Spain, France, Singapore, Thailand, India, Turkey, Malaysia, Japan, Greece, Chile, Hungary, Romania, Brazil, Finland, Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Uruguay, Austria, Norway, Luxembourg, Peru, Switzerland, Slovakia, Belgium, Egypt, South Korea, Qatar, French Polynesia, Bulgaria and Puerto Rico.

Top 6 traffic sources

• Typed directly into browser
• Aitken's blog
• Beth's blog
• Millgate's blog
• Angus' blog
• Google

Key words/phrases people used in Google to find my blog

• "Anthony Callea"
• "Ben Harper"
• "Only 8 transformers?"
• "pria young" gay
• "ready steady cook" "channel ten" veal
• "rubber hot water bottle" -brand -stamp
• "ship lovers society of victoria"
• "slavic soul party"
• "Australian beers named after reptiles"
• "booty shak'n girls"
• "contiki mykonos sex"
• "how to pick the right transformer?"
• "mr. bean throws a spanner in the works"

...and my favourite:

• "cleaning bat faeces off cars"

I have always set out for Hotel Bell to be like a bi-weekly gift for my friends and family overseas, up the coast or around the corner - in the hope that they can have a bit of a chuckle for at least a couple of minutes of their day.

Looking forward to another 100 posts!

Our new flatmate - Dan

A couple of weeks ago we trialled a new flatmate named Dan. A funny story actually - we found him down on his luck and sitting out the front of our building, left to rot by his previous flatmates.

He passed the trial with flying colours and now resides in our living room. He's a really top bloke - always a cool customer, and whilst not being overly conversational, he's often the first to give you a nice coldy after work.

As the past few weekends have shown, he can also hold his piss remarkably well.

The life and times of SE Asia

What is bloody going on in SE Asia?!

In about 7 weeks, Willis & I will be flying into Ho Chi Minh city for a two-week tour of SE Asia. Despite the fact that we're no strangers to danger (Willis looks amazingly like Chuck Norris, and I like Mr T.), we've been wondering whether we should be raising the premiums on our life insurance policies. I'll explain:

28 September - Burma

No stranger to public uprisings over time, Burma has again seen violence as peaceful pro-democracy protesters are shot and Buddhist monasteries are raided by local security authorities. The SMH reports today on the latest in urban violence.

26 September - Vietnam

Bridge collapses over the Hau River, killing at least 43 people and injuring 87 others. Apparently the bridge is one of the busiest in the Mekong Delta. See this AP report for more information.

16 September - Thailand

Budget airline crashes into the island of Phuket, killing at least 89 and injuring many others. See this Daily Telegraph report written in the aftermath of the crash.

So, here's a possible game plan:

• Avoid public pro-democracy uprisings
• Take Vietnamese ferries wherever possible
• Don't fly One-To-One
• Get oneself another intra-pool swim-up barside cocktail

Sunny days, for Mike Bailey in this week's Mosman Daily

Check this letter to the editor out!

Cliche count: 5

And for the record, I haven't blacked out my name to keep filthy bully-boy Liberal sympathisers from knocking down my door - just thought it's not something I'd like to post on the internet...

So where to from here? Well, it's all about restoring the balance, so Willis has tasked me with getting another letter in the Mosman Daily equally taking the piss in support of Mike's main opponent Joe Hockey.

However, I'm most certainly not the only person in my family to be hitting the papers this month. My 88 year-old Nan was named best dressed lady at the 101st Manildra show a few weeks ago (her third crown, might I add), and was consequently photographed for inclusion in the Molong Express.

Anyway, I've spoken with the editor of the Molong Express and have arranged for a copy to be sent to me. I'll post it up here as soon as I receive it.

I'll keep you informed...

Name this fish

Some dude caught this fish off the jetty in Chowder Bay. A trip to Uzbekistan for anyone who can tell me what it is...

4 years with a shweetie

Let me tell you, my four years with Clare have most definitely NOT been a struggle. What a gorgeous lass Ms. Clare is - any woman who can put up with my shit for 1461 days must be a bit of alright.

Like most of our relationship (and to my eternal frustration), my plans to celebrate our four year anniversary were somewhat shifted into a state of sporadicity, with plans to stay in a hotel on the Central Coast dismissed by a renewed desire to stay on the South Coast. The secret plans for the South Coast were then squashed by a desire to stay west of the mountains, which were then changed by a preference to stay in the Blue Mountains.

In the end, I planned a bit of a breakfast, a visit to the zoo, then a romantic dinner in Manly.

What eventuated?

Clare slept in, I read the paper. We later shared a wonderful breakfast at the new Ripples at Chowder Bay, a pash on the beach, then we came home for a sleep. We're getting old, you know.

To complete the day of romance, I ended up going to watch the Western Rams play the Sydney Fleet in the ARC across the road at North Sydney Oval with a good mate from Uni, whilst Clare went to work.

And you know what? It was perfect.

Whilst it all didn't go to plan, it was a wonderful day...one which I've been telling people about all week!

Here's a few pictures for everyone who's scanned over the above text and searching for a bit of pictorial colour:

Having fun in the sun @ Chowder Bay...check out the colours of the water and contrast as the jetty stretches out to the harbour!

Clare and I get a bit of shade - note the cafe we visited in the background and then Vaucluse further out into the distance. Beautiful!

...and just before some pooch humped my leg.

Blockbuster referee

So the season ends for one of the season's best performers - here's a mini-movie I made to mark the occasion...

Sydney University beat Norths 16-3 with Mr Willis having a very strong end to the season.

PR, darling

One of the biggest stereotypes of my profession is that I wear Versace and attend numerous launches, openings or A-list after-parties. After nearly 2 years in the industry, I finally got an invite for myself and a partner to live the stereotype and attend the opening of a new Strike Bowling Bar down in King Street Wharf.

I thought considering it was his birthday the day before, I'd ask my good mate Jonnie to come along to knock over the odd pin and schooner.

There was free pool, free drinks and finger food, a DJ, disco-style bowling and a whole host of corporate leaches like myself.

But the highlight of the night? Kicking back with a mate I seldom see enough of - gold.

It's kind of like doing the Paso Doble, only with a 6kg piece of polished stone.

Some strong form on the evening, George Frilingos will be shitting himself if Jonnie goes pro.

Happy birthday Amelia!

So work's been holding me by the grundle for a while now - frequent blogging has been forced to take a back seat. This is why I'm posting about Amelia's birthday 14 days after the event.

My sister Amelia turned 22 on the 2nd of September - Clare and I went to meet her at her place, offload some presents, take her out for lunch in Leichardt and then get on the piss at the Harbourview Hotel in the Rocks.

Note my brilliant wrapping skills in the two photos on the right:

• The left-over wrapping paper with a footy tape bow. Exquisite.
• Recycling the previous morning's Sydney Morning Herald.

Here's a few more pictures from the day:

The Wish top we got Meils. Apparently she likes the brand, according to my #1 partner in crime.

The matching platter and salad bowl with the same flower that blooms at the time of Amelia's birthday.

Some midget who tried to get the party started early with a few lines of coke.

The Harbourview Hotel! Note the gorgeous day and bridge in the background.

Two hotties at the pub.

Two more hotties.

NB: Amelia is wearing heals...that's why I resemble Bilbo Baggins.

Happy birthday babe - hope you had a wonderful day...x

I adora, brunch by Laura

Handmade pastries in the foreground, Laura works hard to serve up one of the most delectable brunches of 2007!

A couple of weekends ago, Laura invited a few people around to her gorgeous Mosman apartment for a spot of brunch.

We were treated to a number of wonderful dishes - freshly cut fruit salad (grapefruit, orange and strawberry); blueberry pancakes with fresh mango and yoghurt; an assortment of fruit and chocolate pastries; scrambled egg and bacon wraps; garlic and rosemary mushrooms with chorizo; roasted hashbrowns; and some smoked salmon, cream cheese and dill bagels, courtesy of Weens.

Delicious!!!

Here's a few more pics of the food:

Weens' bagels...note the fresh dill.

The colour! Nothing signals the start of spring more than the blend of some freshly cut fruit.

Enough to feed an Ethiopian tribe.

More shots of the fruit salad, as well as the side of eschalots to accompany the egg and bacon wraps.

Thanks again to Laura for putting on an amazing feast! Brilliant company and an absolutely stellar menu!

Surprise!! (The flowers...)

...and here is a picture of the beautiful flowers that Clare gave me - starting to open up and look to be really great quality.

Surprise!!

I just got flowers at work from my gorgeous girlfriend!!!

Today marks four years since we first met on that brisk September Sunday morning.

As Paff would say, "I love, love".

Sunny days, at Mike Bailey's trivia fundraiser

Mike Bailey and Senator John Faulkner give me the inside word on the best strip clubs to visit whilst in the US.

Willis and I went down to our local to take part in our first ever political party fundraiser. Mike Bailey - former ABC TV weather man, full-time amateur comedian, and now Labor candidate for the Federal seat of North Sydney - was having a bit of a trivia night.

I've blogged about Mike's race to Canberra before and with an election likely for late November, Mike needs all the support he can get (we're on a first name basis now by the way). There were a heap of people there - 38 tables in fact - a mixture of old stodgy Labor hardcores, and new-wave filthy socialist university arts students. And Willis & I. He's stodgy and I'm in the filthy socialist camp.

Willis and I settled into a few schooners, introducing ourselves to our table - a trivia master, a chemist, a man with anger-management problems, his wife, a super-intelligent woman who thought she was playing 'Fast Money' all night and her unassuming husband who secretly wanted to pants Ricky Ponting.

Highlights include:

• Anger-management constantly putting his wife and others in their place
• Anger-management's wife subsequently getting drunk to deal with her husband's shit
• Anger-management's comments to Willis and I that we needed to start pulling our weight
• Our Latin team name - 'Cogitamus', meaning "we are thinking"
• Our conversation with Senator John Faulkner after the proceedings - he used the words "bastards", "crooks", "criminals" and "the worst kinds of humans" when referring to the current government, then told us encouragingly to "keep up the struggle"
• Finding out that Mike Bailey's son is named Mike Bailey
• Willis adopting the pseudonym 'Ric Biggs', even if only for a short while
• Mid-week beers with Willis, after a particularly difficult day

Our table was extremely competitive, leading for most of the night, only to come second to Table 27 in the final round. At the height of the frustration, two members from my table staged a protest with Senator Faulkner over when the most recent King of England was crowned. Apparently he was announced King in 1936, but was crowned the following year...contentious stuff. Here's a video of the incident:



I've just sent off a friend request to Joe Hockey on Facebook, asking whether he'll be holding any fundraising evenings as part of his campaign. Willis and I will also be looking to attend an event from each of the different candidates for our electorate in the lead-up to the election.

The wonders of capitalist democracy!

Ready, steady...COOK! (Part 2)

Did you know that Clare and I went on Ready Steady Cook? See here for my post on it from March this year after we filmed the show.

Funny story by the way - I walked into The Hotel Hollywood a week after we were on air, after just 30secs, a random woman came up to me and asked: "Were you on Ready Steady Cook last week...with your wife???". I told her that it was mostly true, and that she's welcome for me to sign an autograph.

Without wishing to over-self promote, I do recognise that there are a fair few people abroad who missed the show. Below are a few edited sections...a few things to note:

• The host's propensity to touch me...for long......awkward...massagingly weird periods.
• My innate ability to talk absolute shit. The magic of TV.
• Clare's amazing talent for TV. She was terrific - and HOT! It was a shame her chef was so talkative...a lot of Clare didn't make the final cut.
• My sister Amelia in the crowd. A Milky Way for the first person to post where she is sitting.
• There's a little bit missing from the middle of the show...I'll try and get this up later.

And an extra special thanks must go out to Gerard - a good mate of mine who kindly recorded and rendered the show for Clare and I. Thanks mate - I owe you a rum.


Introducing Clare & Steve

The winning dish




Gerard's smokey flavour remix

Balancing the equation

OK, so I haven't blogged for a while. Reason? I've done the maths and come up with an equation to explain:

β(λ²) - TBT = μ

To balance the equation:

GH = β(λ) + TBT = MB

β: Belly
λ: Work commitment
TBT: TrashBag Times
μ: Boring, cranky bastard
GH: General happiness
MB: More blogging

OK, so Willis and Clare may be the only two with the mathematical background to understand. At least my short time with Mr Magdy Habib in 3-unit was worth something.

Get ready for an megablog...

Being green & pondering my mortality

Ever wondered how long you've got until fate makes you pull up stumps? I do.

With the green winds of change starting to blow even stronger in Australia, I thought I'd better also consider how a dirty capitalist like myself can actually make a few dollars to finance my hetero life partner's t-shirt addiction, whilst also being environmentally responsible.

Enter 'The Cadaver Calculator'. Not only does it provide a monetary value for how much you can sell your 'spare parts' for at the end of a day's play, but it can also provide you with the satisfaction that you're making the right steps toward true posthumous environmental sustainability.

Really, dying is just a bloody strain on the earth. Hopefully scientists will pull their algebraic heads out of their asses and develop some sort of inter-space jettison device to shoot people beyond the earth's atmosphere. We've battered the earth long enough.

Here's how I got on:

$4200.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth. From Mingle2 - Free Online Dating

How much are you worth? What would you do with the money?

Beautiful Ballina

Mum and Dad came to stay with Clare and I in the unit in Byron Bay for the weekend. On the Monday, we went for a bit of a drive through the back country of the Northern Rivers area, ending up in Ballina where Clare and I were due to fly out of.

Here's a quick couple of pics from beautiful Ballina:

Dad in front of the Big Prawn (thanks to Mum for the fabulous photo. x)

Surf's up, with a pod of dolphins frolicking off the coast.

A few of facts about Ballina:

• Circa 20,000 population
• Named after a town in Country Mayo (Ireland) by Irish red cedar timber cutters based in the area in the 1840's.
• Main current industries include tourism, fishing, sugar cane and macadamia nuts. Anecdotally, there is also a centralisation of aged care services beginning to crop up in Ballina to service the move of many retirees to the North Coast.

Where dreams are made...and then regurgitated

On day 2 of our little trip, Clare and I joined a few of her old mates from Lismore and visited Queensland's most dated theme park, Dreamworld.


The rides

Clare (right of centre) on The Claw. I declined a second invitation, as I was close to vomiting the first time.

The Claw fact: The 27 metre-high ride swings 240^o vertically, rotates 360^o horizontally, and travels at a gut-wrenching 75km/hr.

The Wipeout was gnarly, dude. Totally tubular. I'm sitting below the 'P' and Clare below the 'O'.

The Wipeout fact: The ride opened 14 years ago, costing $6 million.

Definitely my favourite of all the rides on the day (I'm a pansy), the Log Ride was a very wet affair. For those overseas, note the very Australian gum tree backdrop.

Log Ride fact: Riders scream down the shoot at over 50km/hr!

Incidentally, the last time I was at Dreamworld was when the Tower of Terror opened - 24 January, 1997. The ride was fantastic, but I think they need to do a bit of work around the edges...it's all looking a little shabby in the pre-ride theming.

Tower of Terror fact: Costing $16 million to build, the TOT accelerates to over 160km/hr in seven seconds and pulls 4.5G's.

We also went on the Cyclone and the Giant Drop. I nearly shat myself on the Giant Drop - check this link out for a Quicktime video demonstrating the height and speed of the ride. Below is also a video from YouTube which demonstrates the innate personal experience.

The animals

CRIKEY! Look at this little beauty!! The photo doesn't do it justice, but the croc pictured is bloody massive, with a body bigger than a horse and longer than a Datson 180B.



I reckon if I was locked up in Dreamworld for life, I'd probably lose all of my inhibitions as well.


The verdict

A fun day. Advice for those thinking of going:

Take a picnic...go in the summer when school's in to take advantage of the water slides...try not to wonder if the maintenance of the rides is given the same importance of the general cleanliness of the park...go on the log ride, three times.