Blame it on the schmiddy

Don't blame it on the sunshine

Don't blame it on the moonlight

Don't blame it on the good times

Blame it on the schmiddy...

Ladies and gentlemen,

The time has come to make a stand. I am petitioning the Federal Government to have the schmiddy banned from all Australian hotels. Please follow this link to show your support in eradicating what is arguably one of Australia's greatest threats to national security. See below for further detail (from the petition):


Schmiddy: (Eastern Australia) A beer glass of volume less than a schooner, but more than a middy - ultimately at a very 'un-Australian' price.

The scourge of the schmiddy has gone on for too long. It has begun to infiltrate humble watering holes across the Australia, as publicans realise the potential gains of selling less beer at equivalent prices to a ‘caught in the headlights’ beer-drinking patronage.

Native to Sydney, but starting to mobilise in other metropolitan and regional centres, the schmiddy has no right to embrace the fabled amber fluid that for generations has produced comical occurrences such as “last Saturday night” or (insert end-of-season footie trip moment here).

There are also reports that the schmiddy was responsible for the recent Pasha Bulker disaster.

Question: What held the “big cold beer” that quenched the hard-earned thirst in that nation-defining 1980’s VB advertisement? Not the schmiddy.

Question: What did Prime Minister Bob Hawke drink out of when he became Prime Minister in March, 1983. I can tell you, it wasn’t a bloody schmiddy.

Question: And what usually feels warm, you line up longer for, gives atrocious head and leaves your back pocket much lighter than when you walked in? The evil, sinister schmiddy, derived from the demonic depths of hell.

Aussies, ex-pats and international beer lovers alike – strap on your boots, throw on your singo and lobby the Australian Government in a united front against something which has the potential to dissolve the very fabric of our nationhood.

It’d be un-Australian not to.

Do it.